With a Lady Gaga fan as a roommate, it was inevitable that I’d encounter her highness’ latest stake impaled into the heart of American musical sensibilities. It is unlikely it will be the last time. Born This Way may not be the worst pop song I’ve ever stumbled across, but within the last week, it is certainly the worst pop song I have listened to.

“Born This Way” is (hilariously) comparable to contemporary Christian music in that it has done nothing but recognize a trend in pop music, and emulated it in the most mundane way imaginable. What trend has Gaga detected? Primarily, the rising popularity of electronic music in the US. The first 20 seconds of her song are the cookie-cut beep-boops that Daft Punk reintroduced with the Tron soundtrack. Immediately following is house. No creative spin on house, or interesting re-imagining of house. House, as in David Guetta house. Four-on-the-floor rehash that, in fact, makes house music seem original by comparison. It defies reason that this song will be #1 on the Billboard charts for weeks to come.

On top of this meaningless “music,” Gaga provides the listener with her rendition of Katy Perry’s Firework, a mediocre song in its own right. Lady Gaga explicitly intended this song to be a gay anthem, and it is depressing that a song so patronizing that it feels the need to tell the disenfranchised “rejoice and love yourself today, cause baby, you were born this way” could be conceived as such. I see inspirational refrigerator magnets in gift shops that say such things, and no one buys them, because they’re cheesy. The LGBT community deserves a better song than this, but if they’re as helpless as Gaga seems to think they are, I suppose they’ll champion this song immediately.

I wish there was more to say about the song, but that’s actually it. It’s a repetitive song, and so the bad music and bad lyrics I just described repeat for four minutes. It is ironic that a song about diversity is so monotonous. “Born this Way” seems almost to welcome the continued descent toward collective mental retardation that the entertainment industry provides us. Gaga says the ensuing album will be the best of the decade. I sure hope not.


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